26 Fruits


Lemon Bank

Dear Loyal Customer of Lemon investing,

I do not use the word ‘Loyal’ glibly.  I use it because in pessimistic times, I choose optimism.  And with good reason.  We are Lemon because we are bright.  Therefore it doesn’t matter that you are not.  That’s not to say that you wouldn’t have a decent tilt at a fair few of the world’s capital cities or that you don’t know what ‘Obstreperous’ means; it’s simply my contention that when it comes to money, we’re much smarter than you’ll ever be.

Disagree?  Excellent…

Just remind me again how much you gave that nice Irish fella who said he’d do your drive and that it wouldn’t peel off like carbon paper as soon as you rolled your Ford Ka on to it?  Also, approximately how many of the 643 channels that you subscribe to on the 50” plasma television that you absolutely need do you actually watch in the average week?  And exactly how many vacuous dolts have you paid premium rates to vote for in a whole host of TV ‘Talent’ Shows in the last twelve months?

My point is merely this: when it comes to your money, there is compelling evidence that you are not very good with it.

However, it is also increasingly evident that the global banking crisis and the concomitant (look it up) hysteria could lead (and indeed has led) the credulous to believe that they are better at managing their finances than the fiscal experts at award-winning companies such as Lemon Investing.  Curious logic indeed.  Rather like suggesting that because the England football team is currently a bit rubbish, it therefore follows that my own team – the Dog and Otter from Saffron Walden – would give them a good game.  Now, we’ve got a couple of tasty wingers in the squad this season but in short: grow up.  The fact is that whilst you might not feel you can trust most investment houses at the moment and whether or not you have grounds for that mistrust, be in absolutely no doubt that you can trust yourself even less.  Lingering uncertainty?  Go and have a look in your wardrobe.

With Lemon, you might not always like what we have to tell you – but we’ll always tell you the truth.  And in this or indeed any other climate, you can’t put a price on that.

Call the number at the top of this letter today and choose optimism.  Or buy more bottled water.  Up to you.

Yours with bitter sincerity,

David E. Peel,
Director of Acidity

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